Fantasies are a Girls’ Best Friend
Posted by: Dani Caress on: January 21, 2009
- In: fantasy | relationships | sex
- Comment!
I went blog shopping today. Blog shopping is window shopping for bloggers, I’ve decided. It is when we think we have something to say, to write about; but, we just cannot seem to wrap our imagination around it tight enough to actually produce anything with a point.
While blog shopping, searching for that muse, I tripped over a title and landed full-face into a screen screaming to be reviewed. Thought I would share for those of us who’s “been there” or “is there” or “needs to beware.”
Think back to your high-school days. Caution! Do so at your own risk. Whatever lurks in them there waters is yours to deal with. I am not responsible.
High-school. It is a rarity that one cannot remember to whom they were highly infatuated. Guys, picture that girl who whenever she crossed your path your heart and, perhaps, other body parts beat hard. You just knew that if you spoke your voice would sound like the soloist in the Boy’s Choir. Girls, we experienced infatuation a bit different. Remember how you would always manage to be present whenever he was walking between classes? Or, how you would choose what clothes to wear depending upon what your friend’s friend’s classmate’s friend had said his favorite color was? The dreams you dreamed during the day while the teacher talked about some boring history thing in class. Sorry guys, the girls got more “remember whens”; getting into a guys head was beyond me then…and…maybe now too.
Pure, lustful, pubescent infatuation. A beautifully tortuous thing. This ‘thing’ is the theme of the post I read. The difference be that the woman who wrote it is approximately 30+ years of age. She detailed her infatuation with a male “best friend” from high school. A boy turned man whom she followed cross-country merely to be close to him. She pondered in her post how long she would pine for a man whom she had never had sex with. Her words. I thought about her post and thought I would leave my comment here.
Before I comment, writer’s etiquette prevails. She, the author, goes by Jules333 and you can read her post titled “They Say it Takes 3 Months…” at Blogher [dot]com. Understand that I am not ridiculing Jules at all. Conversely, Jules poured her real self out for all to know and see. It takes guts to do that.
"So, what is really going on here?"
The first question she should be asking herself is why after fifteen-or-so years does she find him so intoxicating? Men, I would bet money that you have the answer to this one. Jules, you never had sex with him! You hinted throughout your entire post that you really wanted to have sex with this guy; but, he never once hit you up for it. You even questioned his sexual identity, thinking, perhaps, that he might be gay.
What is going on here is that when a girl or a guy has strong feelings for someone, someone that knows all of the good, the bad, and the really embarrassing stuff about them, and that person does not hit them up for sex (especially during the peak sex years of young adulthood), then that person becomes a conquest of sorts.
The way I see it is that you and he shared intimate moments together that only two best friends could share. Your heart was hooked. Then, your life moved on, you met other guys, had relationships, had sex…etc. But, this guy for reasons you could not understand just would not hit on you in that way. Of course, you wonder, you question, and you become like the high-school girl who always shows up where that guy is. The hunt is your addiction. It is the thrill of the quest that keeps you from being able to let go. Had you actually had sex with him that night in the car, we would not be discussing this topic right now. The ecstasy would be over.
Sometimes, it’s more thrilling and exciting to leave our remembrances, our daydreams alone. Don’t try to figure them out or put a name to them. If no one is being hurt, then relax and enjoy the fantasy. I doubt you are in love with the man, Jules. You are in lust with a school-girl’s crush. And, when your body is grayed and wrinkled with age, your daydreams become the most treasured secrets of youth.
Enjoy the thrill of the lustful fantasy. Reality just screws it up.
~dani
2 Responses to "Fantasies are a Girls’ Best Friend"
January 25, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Yeeks, my apologies to Dani and her other potential readers. I just re-read my comment on this post. The number of typos here are horrifying. I’m typically better than this and more meticulous in editing any such faux pas. I honestly don’t know how I let this slip by except for the possible fact of my weariness when I wrote it.
But I make no excuses. I can only say that I’ll be more diligent in the future to avoid such mistakes.
Thanks for your merciful understanding and forgiveness, all.
–Nick
January 24, 2009 at 11:10 pm
Figuratively, I’ve been around many amusement parks and taken many rides. My journey thus far in life has inspired remembrances aplenty of all kinds–some great, some good, some indifferent, some unpleasant, and those that I’d much rather hurl down the stairs into the cellar. But some of my most unforgettable memories of the “woulda, coulda, shoulda” variety are indeed of those snapshots of time forged wistfully along the paths never traveled.
There has been more than one moment in my life–unrestricted merely to high school–in which my steps crossed or even merged with those of a girl or woman I greatly (or even instantly) desired. For the sake of brevity, the particulars of the whom, what, and why are not now important. Suffice it to say, however, a couple or so of these encounters did not result in the indulgence of my “physical needs” or soulful longings. And there are times even today–years later–when I gaze back with my mind’s eye and ask, “What if…?”
I think of a girl (young woman really–back in the limbo years between my late teens and early 20′s) whom I know was hot on me. She was beautiful of body and had a personality that sparked my own hunger. I was definitely infatuated. Yet, looking back, I’m convinced my level of maturity and shyness (relative to what it may be now–the former has grown, the latter has receded significantly), dissuaded me from fully realizing what a jewel of an opportunity she had been. And hence I was ill-motivated to take advantage of it.
Oh, believest thou me, long after had I rued the fact of my stupidity–my monumental failure to grasp the full depth of yearning borne by a woman for whom I also (albeit more secretly) felt intense physical and emotion attraction. These days, every now and then, the tide of my thoughts still ebb upon the receding shores of that regret. However, as the saying goes (and is sometimes actually true), time has mercifully healed me of much of that abysmal ache.
My point is that, yes, desires not brought forth into reality will often drift (or be dragged) into the boundless, sometimes agonizing realm of fantasy. Without the defining lines of real-time history regarding any event or situation, it is invariably left up to our imaginations to create and play with whatever details it so sees fit. In other words, I believe our minds fill in the blanks to the unanswered questions we face in life–typically (and at least in part) to suit whatever is demanded by our particular psychological/emotional orientation.
Of course, my assessment is not a professional one, only a lay interpretation humbly based on certain observations of self and others in the world. For all others reading this comment, if you haven’t realized it by now, Dani Caress (a person who actually has a degree in this area) is more highly qualified to provide an accurate statement such issues. And I am as eager to benefit from her wisdom as I hope others around here are.
I’ll end this post with a more pertinent remark to Dani’s blog (which is probably what I should have simply done in the first place–hehe).
I feel it’s always the mystery of the never known and the unresolved thing by which we are initially intrigued that at times fill us with pangs of self-reproach and self-torment. A guy meets a girl. A girl meets a guy. One or both want to have sex with the other. Maybe it’s only a matter of undeniable lust. Or he/she wants to know if the other is “the one”. Despite whatever other circumstances may exist, failing to resolve such a longing–and by resolve I mean to act action, to seek to fulfill, to express one’s self–can possibly cast a person into an endless eddy of mental/emotional unrest. My opinion? It’s not worth it. I wish I had wise enough when I was a bit younger to follow this advice. Believe me (and here comes the cliche), if I could do things over….
Well, you know the rest.
And my recommendation to Jules333 (for whom I also have respect and compassion)? Well, as challenging as it might be (and believe you me, I know), I’d say make a strong, positive effort to learn how to let that guy go and move on. Or, in lieu of that, and depending on the circumstances of your relationship with this guy, make a “healthy” move to finally get that nagging question of yours answered. Perhaps in a mutually healthy and respectable way, you should see if it’s possible to contact this guy to get a feeling of where this feelings toward you might be and how he might react if you told him exactly how you feel about him. Of course this is an extremely delicate maneuver–perhaps more so for a woman than it would be for a man. And again of course I respectfully defer all final wisdom to any recommendation offered by Dani Caress (my God, you just have to love that name). But in any case, all my best to Jules333. I hope she finds peace of some sort.
Alright, ’nuff said.