1 | redabyss
January 22, 2009 at 7:33 pm

Hi, Dani (and hello, Missy),

Nick here.

I applaud your article/post–very honest, insightful and clear in its address of the “problem” presented by Missy. Most importantly, it brought to light what I believe is a very constructive and useful approach to resolving the issue raised by Missy.

Obviously, I think it’s fair to say no group of individuals sharing a like attribute (gender, race, etc.) is homogenously identical in their psychological, cultural, or social make-up. Within each one, attributes vary by degree and self-expression according to the unique nature of each individual. However, I can’t help but agree that men (speaking as one myself) are clearly a different breed of animal than women where our psychological and social motivations are concerned.

As you say, Dani, men aren’t as simple as some women make us out to be. But without a doubt, we are definitely visual creatures (probably not as flattering a term as your choice of reference. I like the word “beings” better myself). Avoiding speaking in generic terms, I’ll use myself as an example–because I’m such an honest and straightforward guy.

I’ve experienced several different types of relationships with women (because–just like men–each woman is a unique and distinctive human being). And, as I continue to mature as an adult (an assertion some women I’ve dated might claim to be suspiciously overstated), I learn better how to value and appreciate all the finer qualities a woman may possess (intellect, sense of humor, inner-strength, self-ownership, etc.). Still, I must admit that before any of these virtues become clear, my natural and primary (primal?) lure is to zero in on all the wonderfully sloping curves and swells of her very well-positioned anatomy. In other words, I’m gawking at her body–and at times, depending on how sexy she is (and often how horny I am), not all that inconspicuously. I’m inclined to think that, as a man, this type of reaction is as much due to social upbringing as genetics (although, if I was stranded on a deserted island alone and I saw two ships sailing my way one day–one overflowing with food, the other overrun with eligible women, I’d probably sprint toward the one teeming with women).

My point here (bet you thought I didn’t have one, didn’t you?), men don’t need much help to act like men. But every woman has the inherent power to ignite and manipulate just about any man’s Id by how she conducts and presents herself to him. Like you say, Dani, go outside to paint your house in a pair of old, baggy overalls with a scarf on your head and my focus might stay firmly embedded in that steak ‘n cheese Subway sandwich I’m walking down the street for. But saunter into a nightclub wearing a breezy-cut, hip-strangling skirt, pumps that scream intercourse, and a killer smile that radiates “Who’s your mama?” and the bartender will likely need to mop the drool off the floor every five minutes.

Of course, no one can deny that the complementing flip-side to a woman’s good looks is her measure of self-confidence. Personally, I love a woman who likes to get freaky in the bedroom whose sexual prowess is so overwhelming that I may actually wake up the next morning scratching my head and wondering why I agreed to sign over all my worldly possessions. But I have known women to whom I have been far more swept up by because of their amazing personality and formidable sense of self-possession. And some of these women were people that, in the eyes of the world, might not have clearly fit into the classical definition of “hottie”.

The moral of this novel (yeah, my fingers are tired…)?

1) Know yourself.
2) Know your adversary (or desired mate)
3) Know exactly what you want.
4) Know what is necessary and what you are prepared to do to get it.
5) And then just stick to your guns.

Disclaimer: This is not a licensed opinion. Just a bit of humbly stated advice that brings me greater peace than trying to swim upstream by chasing my own self-delusion.

Word to the wise, Missy (or anyone like Missy), if you want a “good man”–one who actually cares about YOU and not just the throbbing desire he hopes to fill between your legs, then learn to accurately identify your definition of a good man is and then understand what kind of woman you believe he wants. This is not an instantaneous magic wand that will guarantee you’ll run into Prince Charming at the next Kid Rock concert, section C, row 12, in seat number 32 at 7:45 pm. But I do honestly believe that once any person begins showing others that they respect themselves and has noble convictions they’ll stick by, it ultimately increases your odds at find both great sex and a loving man who wants more than just that from you. Then at last you can happily hang a “SOLD” sign over your heart instead of the one that reads “FOR RENT…dirt cheap”.

Apologies for such a long post. Next time, you might want to down a can of Red Bull before you jump in.